I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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