Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
