How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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