We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
