I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
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I woke up to her vacumming the grass
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
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Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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