I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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