Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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