sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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