The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
