He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
