No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
