Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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