My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
