i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
