okay pat passed out under dana's car
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
