I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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