last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
