Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
