oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
