She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
