saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize