I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
