You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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