I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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