just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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