I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
