new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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