There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
