i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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