I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
