my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
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