I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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