we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
