eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
