there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
