i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
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