She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
