i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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