Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
