I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
