she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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