so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
