It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
