why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
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So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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