You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
