We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
