Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
