There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
