Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
