I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
