his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize