i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
