She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
