shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
