I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
