Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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