No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
