I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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