Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
