if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
